Feces Gift Basket

...always makes me cry.

I spent the last few years worrying I’d be forgotten.
Wanting to leave something behind, take something with me.
My desperation was mighty.
Would anyone remember me?
What would it take?
Maybe a bestseller, something for the history books.
Nobody gets remembered.
Nobody matters.

I worried until Daddy’s 3am call.
Nadine passed away about an hour ago.
She was taking her strawberry rhubarb jelly with her.
She mattered to me.

wanted: single f
under 33
must enjoy the sun
must enjoy the sea
sought by single m
mrs. destiny
send photo to address
is it you and me?

reply to single m:
my name is Caroline
cell phone number here
call if you have the time
28 and bored
grieving over loss
sorry to be heavy
but heavy is the cost
heavy is the cost

reply to caroline:
thanks so much for response
these things can be scary
not always what you want
how about a drink?
this ancient club at noon
i'll phone you first i guess
i hope i see you soon

i never got your name
i assume you're 33
your voice it sounded kind
i hope that you like me
when you see my face
i hope that you don't laugh
i'm not a film star beauty
i'll send a photograph
i hope that you don't laugh

note to single m:
why did you not show up?
i waited for an hour
i finally gave up
i thought once that i saw you
i thought that you saw me
i guess we'll never meet now
it wasn't meant to be
it wasn't mean to be
i was sure you saw me
but it wasn't meant to be

wanted: single f
under 33
must enjoy the sun
must enjoy the sea
sought by single m
nothing too heavy
send photo to address
is it you or me?
is it you or me?
is it you or me?
is it you or me?

I can't sleep. I'm a night owl again. It must be because school is over. I have a kidney infection, but my team of doctors have consulted, and they've come up with a treatment plan. Everything will be just fine. I think it's time for health insurance. A symptom is confusion, and I forgot my ATM pin today. Luckily I remembered it later. I even wrote it on my hand, which I know is something I shouldn't do.

I wish the air from the a.c. in the living room reached my bedroom. I'm warm. Maybe I'll sleep without a blanket. I suppose all that caffeine today isn't helping. I have the day off tomorrow, and I'm going to the rodeo.

I told Becky today that I feel confident that Ramona is totally housebroken. I just discovered that while I was away tonight, she peed on my duvet. What a bitch.

Goodnight.

I think I might actually tell people about this journal.

I've been over that bridge a thousand times. I was on it the night before this thing happened. It's still so surreal.

Please bless those who were involved.

Oh, Joey Greco.


Rayne bought me a cupcake last night, and you all know what I did with it.


Mona is a little baby inside her mother's womb.

The kalakukko is in the freezer.



It's hot here in this apartment. The oven was on all night. I watched the United States of Leland. There were some things I understood.

I can't sleep.

We're two spinning spheres
Two spinning spheres
In a bed of stars

Silence is super
Staring into space
I wonder where you are

You're all that I've ever needed
I know that you want to feel it

Drift out into the darkness
Lost out on the horizon
It's alright, it's alright
I'll be your respirator
I'll be your pressure suit
It's alright, it's alright

Violently clear
The upper atmosphere
Raging out your heart
Somewhere far beneath
Your pointed tongue and teeth
Is where you really are

I don't want to be be forgiven
But drag you down from where you are

Drift out into the darkness
Lost out on the horizon
It's alright, it's alright
I'll be your respirator
I'll be your parachute
It's alright, it's alright

I'll be your respirator
I'll be your pressure suit
It's alright, it's alright
I will not let you go

Two spinning spheres
They spin together
And they spin alone

I don't know how I can do this
I don't know how I can get through
It's alright, it's alright

I can't stop loving you
I can't stop loving you
I can't stop loving you
I can't stop loving you
I can't stop loving you
I can't stop loving you
I can't stop loving you
I can't stop loving you
I can't stop loving you
I can't stop loving you

It's alright, it's alright

I'll be your respirator
I'll be your pressure suit
It's alright, its alright

I'll be your four leaf clover
I'll be your pressure suit
I'll be your angel wings
I'll be your parachute
I'll be your only reason
I'll be your only reason

I can't stop loving you
I can't stop loving you
I can't stop loving you
I can't stop loving you

Oh
It's alright, it's alright

I'll be your respirator
I'll be your pressure suit

This here is the view from my living room window. That's the crack house on the left. Beautiful.




Here's the Ramona in the snow. She looks so pretty.




Great. A blowing snow advisory now. I don't know what that means. Oh. Limited visibility. Whatever. I am so done with Minnesota. I wanna wear skirts again.

Mona and I went to the dog park with Molly, Alex and Sparrow. Mona's feet are black from the mud. It was pretty overwhelming for her. The dogs she was nicest to were the great dane and the saint bernard. She was scared a lot and nipped at the dogs that would come try to play with her. I just think it was a lot. On the way home, some Mexican dude whisteled at me. What's the deal with those guys?

Are you seriously still sleeping? :(