Feces Gift Basket

Cold Case...

2008-01-21T02:57:48Z

...always makes me cry.

Nadine Haws

2007-11-19T09:23:44Z

I spent the last few years worrying I’d be forgotten.
Wanting to leave something behind, take something with me.
My desperation was mighty.
Would anyone remember me?
What would it take?
Maybe a bestseller, something for the history books.
Nobody gets remembered.
Nobody matters.

I worried until Daddy’s 3am call.
Nadine passed away about an hour ago.
She was taking her strawberry rhubarb jelly with her.
She mattered to me.

Personal

2007-08-09T08:22:46Z

wanted: single f
under 33
must enjoy the sun
must enjoy the sea
sought by single m
mrs. destiny
send photo to address
is it you and me?

reply to single m:
my name is Caroline
cell phone number here
call if you have the time
28 and bored
grieving over loss
sorry to be heavy
but heavy is the cost
heavy is the cost

reply to caroline:
thanks so much for response
these things can be scary
not always what you want
how about a drink?
this ancient club at noon
i'll phone you first i guess
i hope i see you soon

i never got your name
i assume you're 33
your voice it sounded kind
i hope that you like me
when you see my face
i hope that you don't laugh
i'm not a film star beauty
i'll send a photograph
i hope that you don't laugh

note to single m:
why did you not show up?
i waited for an hour
i finally gave up
i thought once that i saw you
i thought that you saw me
i guess we'll never meet now
it wasn't meant to be
it wasn't mean to be
i was sure you saw me
but it wasn't meant to be

wanted: single f
under 33
must enjoy the sun
must enjoy the sea
sought by single m
nothing too heavy
send photo to address
is it you or me?
is it you or me?
is it you or me?
is it you or me?

Inside Edition, oscillating fan.

2007-08-08T06:52:31Z

I can't sleep. I'm a night owl again. It must be because school is over. I have a kidney infection, but my team of doctors have consulted, and they've come up with a treatment plan. Everything will be just fine. I think it's time for health insurance. A symptom is confusion, and I forgot my ATM pin today. Luckily I remembered it later. I even wrote it on my hand, which I know is something I shouldn't do.

I wish the air from the a.c. in the living room reached my bedroom. I'm warm. Maybe I'll sleep without a blanket. I suppose all that caffeine today isn't helping. I have the day off tomorrow, and I'm going to the rodeo.

I told Becky today that I feel confident that Ramona is totally housebroken. I just discovered that while I was away tonight, she peed on my duvet. What a bitch.

Goodnight.

Running all around...all around.

2007-08-03T06:17:03Z

I think I might actually tell people about this journal.

My Minneapolis.

2007-08-03T04:59:55Z

I've been over that bridge a thousand times. I was on it the night before this thing happened. It's still so surreal.

Please bless those who were involved.

nocheatersdate.com

2007-04-22T06:48:02Z

Oh, Joey Greco.

Rayne bought me a cupcake last night, and you all know what I did with it.

Mona is a little baby inside her mother's womb.

The kalakukko is in the freezer.

It's hot here in this apartment. The oven was on all night. I watched the United States of Leland. There were some things I understood.

I can't sleep.

Pressure Suit

2007-04-02T17:01:04Z

We're two spinning spheres
Two spinning spheres
In a bed of stars

Silence is super
Staring into space
I wonder where you are

You're all that I've ever needed
I know that you want to feel it

Drift out into the darkness
Lost out on the horizon
It's alright, it's alright
I'll be your respirator
I'll be your pressure suit
It's alright, it's alright

Violently clear
The upper atmosphere
Raging out your heart
Somewhere far beneath
Your pointed tongue and teeth
Is where you really are

I don't want to be be forgiven
But drag you down from where you are

Drift out into the darkness
Lost out on the horizon
It's alright, it's alright
I'll be your respirator
I'll be your parachute
It's alright, it's alright

I'll be your respirator
I'll be your pressure suit
It's alright, it's alright
I will not let you go

Two spinning spheres
They spin together
And they spin alone

I don't know how I can do this
I don't know how I can get through
It's alright, it's alright

I can't stop loving you
I can't stop loving you
I can't stop loving you
I can't stop loving you
I can't stop loving you
I can't stop loving you
I can't stop loving you
I can't stop loving you
I can't stop loving you
I can't stop loving you

It's alright, it's alright

I'll be your respirator
I'll be your pressure suit
It's alright, its alright

I'll be your four leaf clover
I'll be your pressure suit
I'll be your angel wings
I'll be your parachute
I'll be your only reason
I'll be your only reason

I can't stop loving you
I can't stop loving you
I can't stop loving you
I can't stop loving you

Oh
It's alright, it's alright

I'll be your respirator
I'll be your pressure suit

Let it snow....for a whole effing week.

2007-03-02T23:20:22Z

This here is the view from my living room window. That's the crack house on the left. Beautiful.

Here's the Ramona in the snow. She looks so pretty.

Great. A blowing snow advisory now. I don't know what that means. Oh. Limited visibility. Whatever. I am so done with Minnesota. I wanna wear skirts again.

Little black feet and whistling Mexicans.

2007-02-17T21:13:44Z

Mona and I went to the dog park with Molly, Alex and Sparrow. Mona's feet are black from the mud. It was pretty overwhelming for her. The dogs she was nicest to were the great dane and the saint bernard. She was scared a lot and nipped at the dogs that would come try to play with her. I just think it was a lot. On the way home, some Mexican dude whisteled at me. What's the deal with those guys?

Are you seriously still sleeping? :(

PB RECALLED!!!

2007-02-15T23:22:00Z

I saw on the news that they're recalling Peter Pan peanut butter with product codes starting with 2111 because of a salmonella outbreak! I checked mine and I am probably going to die!!! Say goodbye to me...

Next year will be even better. V-day.

2007-02-15T04:53:07Z

Look what someone sent to my work today.

Look what I gave to them.

I liked today.

Daniel drew me a unicorn...

2006-12-31T00:15:20Z

...Because he knows I like unicorns. I started thinking about unicorns. I remembered the gold unicorn earrings my mom got me for my 8th birthday, when I got my ears pierced. I remember the unicorn in the movie Legend, featuring a younger, less crazy Tom Cruise. I thought about the unicorn fuzzy poster Kathy gave me for Christmas, and the fact that my old LDS Linkup name was I Heart Unicorns. Oh...then the unicorn tapestries at the Cloisters in New York City last June. So sad and beautiful.

Poor unicorn in captivity. This is one of the unicorn tapestries, not Daniel's.

Home is an insignificant little bubble.

2006-12-29T14:23:10Z

The Viennese underground. Oh, how we mastered it.

Karjalan Piirakkat

2006-12-14T06:19:39Z

Ole hyvä!

USPS

2006-12-07T16:27:48Z

I've gotten some weird things in the mail. Once, someone sent me a baggie of their hair. Another time, my ex-friend sent me dog poop. Today, I found myself wanting to mail someone a tooth my dog just lost. Want it? It's the cutest little thing I've ever seen.

I made it home in time for the Showcase Showdown.

2006-12-04T17:12:31Z

Mona got her stitches out. She didn't cry at all. I also asked the vet about her underbite. She said we'll look at it again when all her permanent teeth are in, but she didn't think it looked like anything I should worry about it.

I like winter time because if my hair is greasy, I can just put a snow hat on. I don't do hats in the summer. I'm not a hat person.

We'll bundle you up.

I don't have time to take my car in today. I will have to do it tomorrow. I'm dreading it.

Ellen gave her whole audience ipods today, and Rachael Ray just gave her whole audience ipod shuffles. I'm okay with my prehistoric, clunky, and completely obsolete ipod (yeah, it's less than 2 years old).

Mona is hyper. I want to cook. It's so weird. I need to go to the store first. Maybe I'll make banana bread without the chocolate chips.

Check the mail today,okay?

This is a picture from my very relaxing day at work yesterday. Those socks are knee-highs, and look at Mona sleeping on the left. She was relaxed too. I have the best job in the world.

11.

The Devil and Daniel Johnston

2006-12-03T05:46:19Z

I just finished watching this movie. I was totally moved by it. It was beautifully done and such a story. It gave me a lot to think about.

SOME THINGS LAST A LONG TIME

Your picture is still on my wall, on my wall.
The colors are bright, bright as ever.
Red is strong and blue is pure.
Some things last a long time.
Some things last a long time.

It's funny, but it's true.
And it's true, but it's not funny.
Time comes and goes.
All of the while, I still think about you.
Some things last a long time.

Your picture is still on my wall, on my wall.
I think about you often, often.
I won't forget all the things we did.
Some things last a long time.
Some things last a lifetime.
Some things last a long time.
Some things last a lifetime.

I want your body worlds.

2006-12-02T09:08:19Z

I turned around to this and my jaw literally dropped.

goodnight moon.

Christmas bells are ringing.

2006-12-02T05:07:04Z

Flash off.

Flash on.

Grandpa Vroman's birthday.

2006-12-01T18:31:41Z

It's today. Some time, I'll have to tell you about the last time I saw him.

I looked at your picture just now, the way I do sometimes.

I've been so unmotivated lately. I just want to be home all the time. 2 1/2 hours of class seems like an eternity. It's crazy though, because there are only 3 classes left, then the final. One more semester and I graduate...finally. We have our final presentations coming up, and this girl in my class and I are going to do a demonstration on how to make karjalan pirakkas. I'm very excited. I bought rye flour recently too.

Work will be hectic tonight. I don't want to go there either. I also have to go to the post office before work, to mail my rent and some presents.

Mona is sleeping next to me. I think she's running in her sleep. Body Worlds ends on Sunday, and until then, it will be open 24/7. Erin bought us tickets for tonight at midnight.

I already want to rearrange my bedroom. I think I may do that this weekend. I want to see Isaac and Annie too, but I think Jed is in Venezuela. I suppose I could go anyway.

It's so cold here. It's been single digits. Taking Ramona out is the worst. We're back to using treats, after her recent rebellion.

It's time to shower. I won't wash my hair though, because the thought makes me feel cold. It's good to let your hair get greasy. Natural oils are the best thing for your hair.

Dreams last night...

2006-11-29T15:59:08Z

I had a dream about you last night. You were speaking Spanish. I wonder what you said to me in Spanish in my dream.

#0.

So very sad...

2006-11-28T20:31:50Z

I don't know how this happens. I knew this family when I was growing up in Utah. I knew her brother well. I used to go their house. They had the coolest trampoline. She was just a little girl then, maybe four. Tragic.

http://www.ksl.com/?nid=148&sid=643592

And then there's a video from abc news. My brother just emailed and said that the drug dealer was someone we knew too, when we lived on the other side of town. Then I remembered the Cartwrights. His sister Carrie sold candy to all the neighborhood kids. Naturally, we were there a lot. They had a cool trampoline too. I can't believe it.

http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/LegalCenter/story?id=2681399&page=1

Thunder and lightning...

2006-11-28T15:06:12Z

...in Minnesota...in late November. It's so strange. I bet you'd love it. I'm very tired, and I have therapy this morning. After that, I'm taking Erin out for lunch. It's her birthday. I wish I could stay in bed all day long. I still haven't studied for my Finnish quiz and it's tonight. Mona is having issues and it better just be a phase. She peed on my doormat this morning and she's already started barking. I guess she did just have major surgery. I guess I can forgive her. I need to get off my ass and take a shower. All I want to do is sleep.

Look! It's big brother and little brother.

And look! It's someone's eyeball! (This is from last winter.)

Stupid survey from a stupid myspace bulletin.

2006-11-22T18:41:34Z

The Last Person..

1. You hung out with?
Erin at Mickey's last night.

2. Rode in a car with?
Kathy to pick up Ramona from the vet.

3. Went to the movies with?
Mason. We saw Marie Antoinette.

4. Went to the mall with?
I don't remember the last time I went to the mall. I am going there with Jason next month. It's our new tradition.

5. You talked on the phone to?
Daniel. Yum.

6. Made you laugh?
Daniel.

7. Last person you told and/or they told you they Loved you?
Yup. D.

W O U L D . Y O U . R A T H E R?

1. Pierce your nose or tongue?
I've had them both pierced. So, I don't know.

2. Be serious or be funny?
Stupid.

3. Drink whole or skim milk?
Skim.

4. Die in a fire or get shot?
Get shot.

5. Spend time with your parents or enemies?
My parents. Duh.

A N S W E R . T R U T H F U L L Y.

1. Do you like anyone?
Yes. Pretty much anyone who is Mexican, especially Mario Lopez.

2. Sun or moon?
Sun.

3. Winter or Fall?
Fall.

4. left or right?
WTF?

5. 10 acquaintances or two best friends?
Two best friends.

6. Sunny or rainy?
Sunny.

7. Vanilla ice cream or chocolate ice cream?
I don't know. I'm not big fan of icecream.

A B O U T . Y O U.

1. What time is it?
12:36 p.m.

2. What is your first name?
Honora.

3. Where do you wanna live?
New York.

4. How many kids do you want?
It used to be 2 or 3. Now it's 3. Just because.

5. Do you want to get married?
Again? Probably.

6. Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it?
Twirl.

7. Have you ever eaten spam?
My friend Shannan's mom makes the best pizza burgers with spam.

8. Favorite ice cream?
Chubby Hubby, I guess.

9. How many kinds of cereal are in your cabinet?
2. Kix and Lucky Charms. Cereal is EXPENSIVE.

10. Do you cook?
Yes. I like it.

11. Current mood?
Excited.

I N . T H E . L A S T . -48- H O U R S . H A V E . Y O U.

1. Kissed some one?
No.

2. Sang?
Yes. In the car.

3. been hugged?
No.

4. Felt stupid?
I don't think so.

5. missed someone?
Yes, yes, yes.

6. Danced Crazy?
No, but now I want to.

8. Gotten your hair cut?
No, but I need to.

9. Cried?
I got teary eyed.

10. Lied?
Maybe.

. S T U F F .

1. Have you ever been searched by the cops?
No.

2. Do you have a Dog?
Yes. Mona. She is hurt.

3. When's the last time you've been sledding?
In high school.

4. Would you rather sleep with someone else, or alone?
Usually I like to sleep alone, but there's one person I want to sleep with, every night.

5. Do you believe in ghosts?
I think so.

6. Do you consider yourself creative?
Yeah.

7. Have you ever fallen in love?
Yes.